• My bike !!

    A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
    The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
    The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
    Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
    The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."
    The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
    The chief replied, "My bike."
  • Eraser ?

    A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
    “This is exciting,” thought the gentleman. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.”
    Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle.
    “This is fantastic,” thought the gentleman. “I’m really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he’ll ask me for assistance.”
    Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt’?”
    Only one word leapt to mind. “My goodness,” thought the gentleman, “I can’t tell the Pope that. There must be another word.”
    The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said, “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘aunt’.”
    “Of course,” said the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”
  • Hard One !!

    Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.
    St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.
    St.: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?"
    1st nun : "Adam and Eve"
    The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
    St.: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?"
    2nd nun : "An apple"
    The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
    And finally it came the turn of the last nun. The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates!
  • Pardon ?

    Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language)
    One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say, "My darling".
    But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
    But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.
    Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My darling, I love you. Will you marry me?"
    And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes wide in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said, "Pardon?"