• The River

    A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I`d take it and throw it into the river".
    With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I`d take it and throw it into the river."
    And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I`d take it and throw it into the river."
    He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn 365, `Shall We Gather at the River.`
  • Swimming pools !!

    There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle. He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
    The French wanted to start. He run towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE".
    The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
    Next is the Russian`s turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
    The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
    The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
    "SHIT !!!!!!!........." And It Turned Out To Be Shit !!
  • The last words !!

    Tragically, three friends die in an horrific car crash, and they suddenly find themselves at the gates of heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gates and says, "Before I allow you to enter heaven I have to ask each of you a simple question."
    They look at each other, a little confused, and then wait for the question.
    "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?", asks St. Peter.
    The first guy thinks for a moment and then replies, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time... and a great family man."
    The second guy thinks for a little longer, scratches his head and replies, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference to our children`s tomorrow."
    The last guy ponders for a brief moment and then replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK!!! HE`S MOVING!!!!!"
  • Unsigned ?

    A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL".
    The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."