|Tragically, three friends die in an horrific car crash, and they suddenly find themselves at the gates of heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gates and says, "Before I allow you to enter heaven I have to ask each of you a simple question."|
They look at each other, a little confused, and then wait for the question.
"When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?", asks St. Peter.
The first guy thinks for a moment and then replies, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time... and a great family man."
The second guy thinks for a little longer, scratches his head and replies, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference to our children`s tomorrow."
The last guy ponders for a brief moment and then replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK!!! HE`S MOVING!!!!!"
|A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL".|
The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."
|One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.|
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he`d just seen.
"Son, you`ve just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.
|A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man`s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.|
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it`s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I`ll be damned." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I`m very sorry. I didn`t mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don`t have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.