|The most important invention in the history of mankind is not the wheel, it's the chair.|
If you don't agree, just go shopping with your wife!
|Telling my wife that we're going out for dinner at someplace fancy is my way of getting 4 hours to myself while she gets ready!|
|Being a woman is so expensive. I know this because I have a wife!|
|My wife's top five favorite smells:|
5. Coffee brewing
4. Pages of a new book
3. First rain
2. Freshly baked cake
1. Smoke that comes out when she's grilling me
|According to a survey, the leading causes of death among men are:|
1. Heart attacks
3. Gifting wife a weighing scale and a diet book on her birthday
|If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all!|
|"Good morning madam, I'm from the maintenance company. I understand there's something in the house that's not working."|
"Yes, he's upstairs!"
|Whenever I give money to beggars, my wife tells me "they're going to get drunk with your money".|
As if I wasn't gonna do the same!
|My husband just called me pretentious.|
I was so surprised my monocle fell out!
|Marriage is like a deck of cards.|
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!