• Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?<br/>
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
    Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?
    Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
  • Teacher: Translate this sentence into Hindi `Liza please have a seat`.<br/>
Student: Elizabeth!
    Teacher: Translate this sentence into Hindi "Liza please have a seat".
    Student: Elizabeth!
  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.<br/>
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!
    I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.
    My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!
  • My 3 wishes:<br/>
1. To earn money without working.<br/>
2. To love without being hurt!<br/>
3. To eat without getting fat!
    My 3 wishes:
    1. To earn money without working.
    2. To love without being hurt!
    3. To eat without getting fat!
  • When I can't fall asleep, I like to grab a good book and hit myself over the head with it!
    When I can't fall asleep, I like to grab a good book and hit myself over the head with it!
  • Friends are medicine for a wounded heart and vitamins for a hopeful soul!
    Friends are medicine for a wounded heart and vitamins for a hopeful soul!
  • You can't stop trouble from coming, but you don't have to give it a chair to sit on.<br/>
Good Morning!
    You can't stop trouble from coming, but you don't have to give it a chair to sit on.
    Good Morning!
  • On my last birthday, my wife tried to surprise me with a car.<br/>
Fortunately I had quick reflexes and she couldn't hit me!
    On my last birthday, my wife tried to surprise me with a car.
    Fortunately I had quick reflexes and she couldn't hit me!
  • Stop taking Facebook so seriously.<br/>
Most of your likes are coming from the people sitting on the toilet!
    Stop taking Facebook so seriously.
    Most of your likes are coming from the people sitting on the toilet!
  • Why does nobody talk to circles?<br/>
Because there is no point!
    Why does nobody talk to circles?
    Because there is no point!