• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
    A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
    I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • I got food poisoning today. Don't know when I'll use it though.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • If I ever have twins, I'd use one for parts.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • When I was a kid, I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't understand what he said.
    ~ Steven Wright
  • There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
    ~ Steven Wright