|Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter.|
Patient: Sorry, I don't follow you.
|Patient: Doctor, doctor, I'can't stop stealing things.|
Doctor: Take these pills for a week and if they don't work, get me a 42-inch flat screen TV!
|Patient: Doctor, I'm having trouble with my breathing.|
Doctor: I'll give you something that will soon put a stop to that.
|Doctor: You'll live to be 70.|
Patient: I am 70.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you?
|Doctor: Madam, your cheque came back.|
Woman: So did my arthritis!
|Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.|
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!
|Doctor: So you swallowed a clock two months ago, why didn't you come to me sooner? |
Patient: I didn't want to alarm you.
|Patient: I have spent 80 per cent of my life savings on doctors.|
Doctor: Why didn't you come to me earlier?
|A man to doctor, "Is there any medicine for long life?"|
Doctor: Get married.
Man: Will it help ?
Doctor: No, but it will avoid such thoughts.
|My dentist makes the best false teeth. They're so lifelike, they even ache!|