|Teacher: Translate this sentence into Hindi "Liza please have a seat".|
|I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.|
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!
|When I can't fall asleep, I like to grab a good book and hit myself over the head with it!|
|On my last birthday, my wife tried to surprise me with a car.|
Fortunately I had quick reflexes and she couldn't hit me!
|Stop taking Facebook so seriously.|
Most of your likes are coming from the people sitting on the toilet!
|Why does nobody talk to circles?|
Because there is no point!
|Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but not the slap of a newspaper.|
That shows how toxic media is!
|Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but they tell us that dragons can be beaten!|
|Wouldn't it be easier for everyone if we all agreed that wrinkled clothes are OK!|
|Banks have now fitted these little mirrors on the ATMs. Now I get to see what having insufficient funds looks like on my face!|