|A neighbor's dog pooped in our garden. My wife told me to take a shovel and throw it into their garden. I wasn't sure why but I still did exactly what she told me.
Now my wife's upset with me because the shovel is in the neighbor's garden and the poop is still in our garden!
|Tell someone you meditated for 2 hours and they are super impressed. But tell them you napped for 2 hours and suddenly you're lazy!|
|What will happen when Trump leaves the White House?|
|Million Dollar Truth:|
If Saturday and Sunday don't excite you, then change your friends.
If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession.
If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work then you should change your spouse!
|Why did God create stock analysts?|
In order to make weather forecasters look good!
French: La depression
Punjabi: Kuch Nahi Hoya Tainu, Aiven Mood Kharab Hai!
|My wife's birthday is fast approaching and she specifically told me that the only birthday cards she'll be accepting this year are Visa Card and Master Card!|
|After 10 Missed Calls:|
Other Countries: Baby, Please take my call, I love you.
India: Be happy, I'll never disturb you again. May all your dreams come true!
Main Nikla, O Gaddi Le Ke...
Gaddi Nikli, O Mainu Le Ke...
|Got a call from my bank to check if my debit card was stolen.|
They became suspicious as the card was not used at the liquor store since last week!