• Medication Error

    A man was suffering from a stomach ache, so he told his wife who suggested he try the tablets the doctor had given her for a similar pain.

    After taking his wife's tablets for a week, the pain disappeared but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind each ear.

    He went to his doctor, showed him the lumps, and explained what had happened.

    Whereby the Doctor called him all the fools under the sun, saying, "You bloody idiot! I was treating your wife for a fallen womb, God knows how I'm going to get your balls back down."
  • Betraying a Witch

    A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman a practicing witch.

    The morning after she had caught ICE-Man with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. ICE-Man thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day.

    In a panic, ICE-Man sought the advice of a physician who examined the man and ran tests on the strange tissue. By now, the bump was three inches long, and starting to take an oddly familiar shape.

    "What is this thing growing out of my head Doctor?", asked ICE-Man.

    "We've run every test we know to confirm the findings," he said gravely, "but they all tell us the same thing. The bump in your forehead is developing into a fully grown penis."

    "I can't believe this! Isn't there anything you can do?" pleaded a distraught ICE-Man.

    "I'm afraid not. Removing it would kill you."

    "I'll be a freak! No woman will come near me!" cried ICE-Man "There's more," said the Doctor. "You're going to experience vision problems."

    "Will I go blind, Doc?" asked ICE-Man.

    "No, you'll just have trouble seeing with testicles hanging in front of your eyes."
  • Dumb Parents

    Found my son and his girlfriend naked in his room. Sex-ed is so advanced now, they also give homework!

    I heard my daughter tell her friend she ate her boyfriend's cock last night. Last time I checked she didn't like chicken for dinner!

    My son and his friends are great. They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home!

    My son is so thoughtful... I overheard him say he gave his our maid a cream pie.

    My son's black friends always ask me if I can "make it clap"... of course I can. All I need is two hands.

    My daughter's boyfriend always checks her for breast cancer...How considerate.

    My son's black friends must be bad at basketball...They keep talking about how they want to double team me.

    My son used a whole box of tissues last week ... He must be really sick.

    My son wants to make video games when he grows up. So it's important he plays as much as he can to learn.

    My son is in his room watching "human reproduction videos" for his science class.

    I put the oregano in my sons room all over my spaghetti and now everything has been so funny for me.

    My son's friend said he wanted to get "stoned"... What a horrible way to die. Why would he say that?

    My son sent a text to his girlfriend saying "I'm gonna tear that pussy up". He's grounded! Animal abuse is NOT tolerated in this household!

    I think my daughter secretly loves star wars, I found a vibrating light saber under her bed!

    I swear bugs fly near my head just to watch me slap myself.

    My son is always tending to his in-home garden... I never understood why he grows his plants in the closet though.

    My daughter is such a great tutor... Every boy in school is always leaving her room with a big smile on their face.

    My son and his friend always talk about getting that weed, never knew they took gardening so seriously.

    My sons friend keep asking me if my back door is open. They must love the new pool!

    My son always deletes the history on his laptop... He's always thinking of ways to make it run faster! Smart boy.
  • A Forbidden Love

    "I'm in love with one of my sheep," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.

    "Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog we are very attached to."

    "But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."

    "Hmmmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"

    "Female, of course!" the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"