• Dirty Minds

    Two deeply religious Irish retirees were sitting on a patio playing checkers and sipping fine Irish whiskey. They enjoyed the mid-day sun almost as much as much as watching the local citizens walk by.

    A few minutes go by and a middle-aged women pushes a baby stroller past the patio.

    The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

    "Aye," says the other as he takes a pull from his whiskey. "Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a wee one."

    "Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they go about their game of checkers.

    A few minutes later, a young couple stroll down the avenue hand in hand, gazing deeply into each others eyes.

    The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

    "Aye," says the other as he takes another pull from his whiskey. "Shamus, I surely am. A fine day for a stroll with a lover."

    "Aye," agrees the first Irishman and they do about their game of checkers. A few more minutes later, a young lass wearing clothes scarcely covering her shapely curves stops in front of the patio, bends over in front of the Irishmen giving them full exposure to her lovely cleavage, and smells the flowers in a near flower bed and walks on.

    The first Irishman looks to the other and says, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

    "I'm not rightly sure this time, Shamus," says the other as he takes yet another pull from his whiskey. "But if I am, I'll surely be joinin' you in confession this afternoon."
  • Choosing a Virgin For a Wife

    George has decided to get married, but not just to anybody. He wants to marry a virgin, a good girl that hasn't fooled around and won't ever. After a bit of thinking, he makes up this scheme to tell "good girls" from "bad girls".

    One day, as he's going down the street, he spots Janice, one of the three young women on his "eligible" list. He walks right up to her, pulls down his pants and flashes her.

    "Well, Janice," he said, "what do you reckon this is?"

    "Why, it's a dick, of course," replies Janice instantly.

    Obviously, Janice has been with men before, thinks George, and he cuts her off the list.

    Next on the list is Christine. After finding her, he goes on and flashes her too.

    "Tell me, Christine, what do you think this is?"

    "It's your dick, George," answers Christine.

    Off the list goes Christine.

    His final hope is in Mary. He finds her and proceeds to the flashing.

    "Mary, what do you think this is?" asks George.

    Mary looks at his dick for a whole minute, then finally answers, "I honestly don't know, George, I'm sorry."

    "ARE YOU SURE?" asks George again, unbelieving. "Here, study it all you want, just be sure."

    Mary takes her time and studies George's organ for a full quarter of an hour.

    "Sorry, George, I still can't tell what it could possibly be."

    George is thrilled, and proposes to her. A few weeks later, they are married. It's their first night together. They both go to bed, naked, and George feels it's time to explain a few things to his wife.

    "Mary, I'm going to learn you something very important. See this thing here, between my legs. That's a dick."

    "THAT is a dick?" gasps Mary. "You should see John's!"
  • Virgin Wife

    One of my co-workers is quite graphic about his sexual powers. When he recently got married he took a lot of good natured ribbing from co-workers, but one of the funniest things I heard was when he was asked by another guy in the office, "Well Casanova how many times did you make love to your new bride on your wedding night?"

    Delighted to be given an opportunity to brag, he beamed and proceeded to not only tell how many times, but also how many ways.

    When he finally finished he suddenly remembered that the guy who asked had just recently gotten married himself.

    He asked, "Say, now that you mention it, how about you? How many times did you manage on your wedding night?"

    "Just once", said the grinning man, "My wife wasn't used to it"
  • Motherly Advice

    A young innocent girl is about to go on her 1st date and is given some word of advice and warning by her mother, "Look darling, they all want the same, so do be very careful and don't you ever let him;
    1. Kiss your lips. Your lips are as soft as rose petals and will shrivel,
    2. Or touch your breast. They are like of thin crystal and can shatter, and
    3. Never ever to touch your "private" part. That one is like a "GRILL" and will burn everything coming to touch it."

    The girl is off full of excitement and anxiety, and Mom waits and waits until just after midnight when she's back.

    "How was it?" asks mom.

    "Oh mom, it was absolutely fantastic, and I think I'm in love!"

    "Let's not go too fast dear. And did he tried to come too close?"

    "Well, yes, he did and I did as you said and he was absolutely careful not to hurt or harm me!"

    "What do you mean careful, did you let him do something?"

    "Not exactly mom, see it was like that. First he wanted to kiss me and I told him what you said, and he stopped.

    "Then he went to touch my breast and again I told him what you said, and he stopped.

    "Then he slowly went under my skirt close to the private part, and I told him what you said.

    "And he then took his hands out and said, 'What a coincidence, I happen to have a nice piece of "Fillet" and would love to put it in your "Grill" to cook!!'"

    "WHAT?!?" screams the mother, "I knew that bastard is no different to the others. You hopefully stopped him there too, didn't you?"

    "Well, not really mom. You see, he promised to be careful and was very careful not to 'burn' his fillet. Every now and then he took it out and had me 'taste it' to see if it was cooked or not."