|A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she winks back at him. It doesn't take long before he is on the stool next to her.|
They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says to the woman, "You're really hot!"
"You're pretty cute, too," she says to him. "I'll tell you what... I live just around the corner - what do you think about coming up to my place?"
"That sounds great!" the man eagerly replies.
"Before we go up there, though," the woman says, "I have to ask you one question: Do you like doing it Greek style?"
"Well... uh... I'm not exactly sure what that is," the man answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I'm willing to learn! Let's go!"
So the two of them walk over to her apartment. As soon as they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her clothes. The man can't believe his eyes! She has an incredibly beautiful body.
"Now, you're *sure*," the woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"
"Definitely!" the man replies.
"All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."
"Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees. The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front of the man.
She kneels down in front of his head. She asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"
"Yeah! Yeah, let's go!" says the man.
The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can't move at all, and his head is pressing right into her chest. One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"
The man's muffled voice can barely be heard from between her breasts. "Mmmf, yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"
The woman's grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells out, "Spiro!! Come and get it!"
|Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.|
"Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible."
"Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash your possible."
|A Texas Redneck was driving his old pick up truck down the road with his girlfriend at his side when all of a sudden the truck started to buck and stall. With that, he said to his girlfriend that he had to get a new truck. He walked down the block and found a GMC dealership.|
Once inside a sales lady approaches him and says, "Sir, may I help you?" He looks at a hummer and says to the saleslady, "How much for a hummer?"
She replies, well they start at $49,000 and go up from there.
He says, "$49,000. That's a lot of money, I can get one a lot cheaper!"
The saleslady assures him that she has the lowest prices in the state of Texas. Then she says, "Sir if you can get a hummer cheaper than what I will give it to you for, I will give you the key to this truck right now."
With that, the Redneck walks out, gets his girlfriend, brings her into the dealership and says, "Honey, will you give me a hummer for $50.00."
She says, "Hell... Yes."
He turns to the saleslady and asks, "Where do I pick up my keys to that new truck?"
Hummer: slang for a blowjob where the cocksucker hums
|Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews (Home of Golf in Scotland) for many years.|
Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!
"Wow, John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your Missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night...
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. She's been reading '50 Shades of Grey' and the room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
Then she said, 'Do whatever you want.' So, here I am!"