• One Word or Two?

    An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

    Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

    Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

    Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

    "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.

    "I would like it infrequently' she replied.

    The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
  • She's All Mine

    After leaving their wedding reception, a young honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic hotel destination in the hills.

    The driver wasn't sure how to get there and said he'd ask for directions when they got nearer to their destination.

    Meanwhile the newlyweds started getting really passionate in the back seat and before long they had stripped off and were having sex.

    Seeing a fork in the road, the driver said, "I take the next turn, right?"

    "No way," panted the groom breathlessly. "Get your own girl. This one's mine."
  • Mouse Tattoo

    There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar. The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo.

    After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!"

    The men all look surprised.

    The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little gray mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?"

    The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman.

    Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile.

    One of the men asks, "What's wrong, sweet lady?"

    The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, "Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all. My pussy must have eaten it."
    Bar
  • Golf Resort Vacation

    A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar.

    He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

    He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck.

    When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!

    The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.

    When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
    Golf: $1.00
    Dinner: $1.00
    Room: $1.00.
    Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00

    He asks the Manager, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"

    "I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."

    "Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"

    "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager.

    "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"