• Farm Equipments

    One day little Johnny's teacher was teaching the class about agriculture. To help with this, she was showing pictures of farm equipment.

    She puts up the first picture, "What is this a picture of class?" she asks.

    Little Suzy puts up her hand and Johnny sticks up his hand.

    Of course, the teacher just knows that Johnny has something dirty in mind and picks Suzy."What is this Suzy?"

    "Its a rake."

    "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" she asks and points at the next picture.

    Johnny's hand shoots up and, little Anne politely puts up her hand, and once again the teacher ignores little Johnny.

    "That's a pitchfork" says little Suzy.

    "Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?"

    The teacher asks once more. Dead silence, only one student has their hand up, and of course its little Johnny. Seeming as though no one else was volunteering, the teacher asked Johnny.

    "OK Johnny, what is this?"

    All of a sudden Johnny realizes he doesn't know the answer.

    "UH, UH, its a shovel, yeah, it's a shovel."

    "No Johnny, this isn't a shovel, this is a hoe."

    "What?!?! My sister's a hoe and she doesn't look nutin' like that!!"
  • Where to Hide Your Valuables

    A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.

    They searched them and took the guy's wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn't find any jewelry from the girl.

    When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter, "Did they take your new diamond ring as well dear?"

    "No Papa," replied the girl with a grin, "I managed to hide it when they were searching you."

    "Hide it? where?" asked the guy," I saw them search you too."

    "I slipped it into my... a... my...... um.... you know........." said the girl shyly.

    "Damnnnnn!" swore the guy, "If only your mother were here, we could have saved my motor bike!!"
  • Red and Green Rings

    Two very nervous men got to talking in the doctor's waiting room.

    They discovered they had similar symptoms: one had a red ring around the base of his 'you know what' and the other one had a green ring.

    The fellow with the red ring was examined first. In a few minutes he came out, all smiles, and said, "Don't worry, man, it's nothing."

    Vastly relived, the second man went into the examining room, only to be told a few minutes later by the doctor, "I'm sorry, but you have an advanced case of VD. I'm afraid you'll have to be castrated."

    Turning white, the young man gasped, "But the first guy... he said it was no big deal!"

    "Well, you know," said the doctor, "there's a big difference between gangrene and lipstick."
  • The Pharmacists' Convention

    The madam had assembled some of her girls for the men in town for the pharmacists' convention.

    "This is Dolores," she smiled, "for $250 I can promise you an exciting evening starting with a hot tub."

    "And this is Connie, available for $375. She's rigged an Oriental Swing in her room.

    "Now lovely Maria," she continued, "can be yours for both straight and kinky sex, including bondage. She's yours for the night for only $300."

    "And if you take a fancy to tantalizing Jenny here, why she can..."

    "Just a minute." interrupted one of the druggists. "Don't you have any generic ones?"