• My Wife Stinks

    The Russian couple's sex life was terrible, so they were quite excited when Moscow's first sex store opened up across the street.

    "Olga, why don't you go out and buy some of that feminine deodorant spray I've read about?" said Ivan.

    She agreed.

    An hour later, she returned, all excited.

    "You should see all the flavors they have," she told her husband. "Strawberry, cherry, banana..."

    "What kind did you get?" he interrupted.

    "Tuna," she replied.
  • Keep Off The Grass

    A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.

    It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."

    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
  • You Bet Your Life

    Groucho Marx supposedly got the hook while hosting a live broadcast of his famous TV quiz show, You Bet Your Life. As this micro-legend has it, Groucho was small-talking with a female contestant when the following exchange took place:

    GROUCHO: So, you got any kids?

    FEMALE CONTESTANT: Yes, Groucho, I have eleven children.

    GROUCHO: Eleven?! Did you say eleven kids?

    FEMALE CONTESTANT: Well, I love my husband.

    GROUCHO: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
  • Good News

    A stunning blonde had gone to her student advisor for some course problems, but seemed to be paying only half attention to his replies.

    "Are you feeling OK?" he asked.

    "Well, to be honest, I have this compulsion to have sex with every man I meet," she admitted. "Is there a name for my condition?"

    "Why yes, there is," he said, as he picked her up and began carrying her to the couch. "It's called 'Good News'."