|Two whales are swimming in the ocean when they saw a whaling ship in the distance, the male whale realizes that it's the same one that killed his parents so he turns to the female whale and asks if she'll help him get his revenge.|
She's a little apprehensive but finally agreed, both gone to the either side of the boat and start to blow through their blowholes, rocking the boat until it capsizes.
The male whale starts to eat all the sailors when & notices the female whale swimming away. He followed and asked, 'Where are you going?'
To which she replied, 'Listen, I agreed to the blow - job, but if you think I'm swallowing any seamen you've got another thing coming!'
|A prostitute with a single room decided she would get a partition installed so she could entertain 2 clients at once.|
A builder knocked up the partition in no time, and after he'd finished, he asked for his money. The girl explained that she didn't have it, but that she could pay for the job with sex. The builder complained and complained, then finally agreed, saying sex was better than nothing.
"I like it doggy style," he said.
She positioned herself accordingly. He slobbered on his thumb and forefinger before inserting them in her rear orifices. She squealed in surprise.
In a deep and completely dominating voice he said, "Now give me my fucking money, or I'll rip out your partition."
|A man walks into a dimly lit bar and the bartender asks him, "Why is the front of your shirt all bloody?"|
His customer answers in a slurred voice, "My wife caught me with another woman and cut off my penis."
"Oh come on," replies the bartender.
The customer then says, "If you don't believe me, I'll show you."
He proceeds to rifle through his suitcase and pulls out this long thin thing and lays it on the bar.
The bartender bends down and looks closely and says, "Why this is just a cigar."
The customer looks puzzled and says, "I have it here somewhere" and proceeds to fumble through his other pockets and comes up with another long thin thing and placing it on the bar, and says, "See that."
The bartender again inspects it closely and says, "You idiot, that's just another cigar."
Now the customer staggers backward and steadies himself, leaning on the bar and with awareness in his shaky voice says, "Oh no, I must have smoked it!"
|Dave was feeling depressed, and his best friend Keith decided to take Dave to the Pub, to try and cheer him up.|
He asked Dave what was it that was troubling him, but Dave didn't want to talk about it. So they sat there getting slowly pissed.
Keith matched Dave drink for drink, trying to get him to talk about what was troubling him.
Gentle prodding was ignored until finally, after downing the sixth, Dave blurted out, "OK, it's your wife."
"My wife?" his Keith demanded. "What about my wife?"
"I think she's cheating on us."