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Tight Fit!!!

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me?"

"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor. "Do you drink much?"

"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaller. Never touch a drop."

"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.

"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad and I have strong principles against it."

"Well, uh," asked the doctor, "Do you have much of a sex life?"

"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night... always have been."

The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"

"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."

"OK," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight."

The Importance of Number 4

4 dino ka pyar o rabba lambi judai.

4 dino ki chandni, phir andheri raat.

4 kitabein toh padh li, ab 4 paise bhi kama lo.

Akhir hamari bhi 4 logon me koi izzat hai.

Ye baat 4 log sunenge to kya kahenge... ke 4 din ki aayi bahu ne ye kamal kiya.

4 din toh ghar mein tik ke baith jati.

Tum se kya 4 kadam bhi nahi chala jata?

Wo aai aur 4 bateein suna ke chali gayi.

4 bottle vodka kaam mera roz ka...

'Dilbert Quotes' Contest

A magazine recently ran a 'Dilbert Quotes' contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.' (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp in Redmond WA)

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.' (Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.' (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.' (Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.' (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.' (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/ 3M Corp)

Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.' (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, 'That would be better for me.' (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.' (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Crazy people on my WhatsApp list

1. Someone on his status "Sleeping" since 3 Days! He's Probably dead.

2. Someone is "Driving" since 5 days! I guess he reached Dubai!!!

3. Someone's status is "Happy" since 1 Month. Living in Paradise???

4. Someone is always 'Available'. How free Are you?????

5. From first day their status is, 'Hey there! I'm using WhatsApp' I Know ! That's why you're on my list!

6. Someone writes "urgent calls only". Don't get it... Are you in the police or ambulance service?

7. Someone says, "Can't talk. Whatsapp only". Dude then throw away your phone.. You are not using the phone's Primary function 8. Someone is 'at d movies' for the past 6 weeks. Either he owns d theatre or sells popcorn there....

Quotes

We have no permanent friend. We have no permanent enemies. We just have permanent interests.

Trivia

France, Italy and Chile have formally recognized the existence of UFOs.

Graffiti

Women take to good hearted men. Also from.