1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landing you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she mwould write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right side.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left side.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew: "Bastards won't let me fart...!"
Husband-Wife's Facebook and WhatsApp life...
Wife: Ghar kab aa rahe ho???
Husband: Pata nahi dimaag mat khao... bahut kaam hai aaj...
Wife: Dear when will you be back... you are the best husband in the world... miss you!!! Come back soon.
Husband: Thanks for being there always... so lucky to have a wonderful wife like you!!! Will be back soon honey.
Hire a lion, give him full rest, pay him more than his expectation, never ask him to do any hard work for 3 months. After 3 months tell him that now you have to fulfill your yearly target within 9 months. Otherwise you will be kicked out from the jungle. Lion dies due to fear, that if he loses this "lazy animals jungle", where will he go.
Hire a lion. Give him hell lot of work and pay him fat salary more than industry. Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, location every 6 months. If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle. Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring.
Hire a lion and give him the post of a cat, ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.
Hire a lion and ask him to extract 60 kg meat out of a 40kg goat. Lion dies out of strain.
Hire a lion and give him a 3000 page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular at least three times a week. Send him on inspection to the jungle, where he can threaten to cancel the hunting license of any fox, wolf, bear, jackal etc who have violated any provision of the 3000 page circular. Lion dies of boredom.
Recruits a lion, give him 50 kg meat everyday to eat when he can't eat more than 20 kg. Lion dies due to overeating.
Recruits a lion, asks him to kill elephant without any pain and scratches to it. Lion is made a part of a CFT with ducks, rabbits and pigeons telling Lion how to kill Dinosaurs. Lion is provided with three wolves to help the killing but with a pre-condition that wolves will not run or move. Lion dies due to confusion and paradoxes.
Hire a lion. Give him hell lot of work and pay him fat salary more than industry. Daily celebrate stv day, bill him lots of stvs, change product every day, he will confused...
MTS is out of race as Russians don't know about Lions - they only know about Siberian Tigers!