Teacher fell asleep in class and Little Johnny walked up to him.
Little Johnny, "Teacher are you sleeping in class?"
Teacher, "No I am not sleeping in class."
Little Johnny, "What were you doing sir ?"
Teacher, "I was talking to God."
The next day Little Johnny fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him...
Teacher, "Johnny, you are sleeping in my class."
Little Johnny, "No not me sir, I am not sleeping."
Angry teacher, "What were you doing.??"
Little Johnny, "I was talking to God."
Angry teacher, "What did He say??"
Little Johnny, "God said He never spoke to you yesterday..."
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. I'm not interested in fighting you.
5. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
6. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
7. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet.
"Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
There was a blonde woman at a soda machine. She put a dollar in the slot and pushed the Pepsi button. The Pepsi came out, so she took it and put the change in her purse.
She took another dollar out, put it in the machine, and pressed the Mountain Dew button. The Mountain Dew came out, and she took the change and put it in her purse.
Meanwhile, a big line was forming behind her, but she kept taking her money out, putting it in the machine, and pressing buttons.
Someone in the line finally said, "Come on, lady! What's taking you so long?"
She answered, "Duh! I'm still winning!"