• The Wrong Side!

    I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

    On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

    Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
    He replies, "Get out, you moron, you're on my side."
  • Objective Type Love Letter

    A young teenage college guy send a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
    My Dear......,
    Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options... a) 10 marks, b) 5 marks and c) 3 marks.

    1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
    (a) of love
    (b) you couldn't control seeing me
    (c) really... am I doing it

    2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
    (a) you always like to see me smiling.
    (b) you are testing whether I like jokes.
    (c) you are attracted by my smile.

    3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
    (a) you are so coy to sing before me
    (b) my presence influenced you
    (c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

    4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hid it because:
    (a) you felt ashamed
    (b) you felt uneasy
    (c) you don't know

    5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
    (a) you enjoyed my disappointment
    (b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
    (c) you don't know

    6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
    (a) you were waiting for me
    (b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
    (c) that bus was crowded

    7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
    (a) I am going to be your groom
    (b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
    (c) just you felt like introducing me to them

    8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
    (a) to fulfill my wish
    (b) you like roses
    (c) by chance you got a rose

    9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:
    (a) you want to pray along with me
    (b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
    (c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual

    If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it. If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not. Eagerly awaiting your reply...,
    With Love....

    Girl's Reply
    Girl's Reply letter was also in Q/A format...
    Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

    1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    2) If a girls laughs and sees anyone, is it love?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not ?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo. You poked your nose inside.... right ?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
    (a) Yes
    (b) No

    If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love. Hope everything is clear to you.
  • Just-a-wee-bit

    An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

    Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

    The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

    The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

    "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... pigeon-toed."

    The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls;so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

    "Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell... cross-eyed."

    The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

    The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

    So they were wed right away.

    Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human "thing" you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

    "Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her."
  • Old but Epic

    Some fun facts' about Indians and Indian Mentality...

    1. Always order soup 1 by 2. That way you get more if you had ordered 1 soup with an extra bowl.

    2. When ordering sugar cane juice, first insist on no ice cubes. However after the first few sips, ask for the ice cubes with a straight face.

    3. Ask for extra puri when you are just finishing your bhel or sev-puri. It is absolutely ok !

    4. Ask for pani after finishing Gol-gappa. It is good for health.

    5. Ask for free cucumber / boiled aloo after you have eaten and paid for your sandwich. Remember... after you have paid.

    6. Sample all the ice cream flavours free at Natural Ice Cream and then order Sitaphal.

    7. When buying peanuts or groundnuts or Chana-Chor-Garam it is ok to keep on munching freebies from the display area till the time your order is getting packed. It is your birthright !

    8. At most Mughlai restaurants you can make a small meal with the free Papad, peanuts, onions, pickles and chutney so you can skip the starters.

    9. Always ask for free sherbet after you have super sucked your Kala Khatta Gola back into ice.

    10. It is absolutely ok to pocket the free toothpicks, mint packets and fenugreek seeds served at restaurants - to be used later while walking down to catch the cab, rickshaw, bus, train or car.

    11. Lastly do not forget to give 'MISSED CALL' after you reach... !!!