|The Boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up one of his blonde clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent
the Boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that she should hurry with the file.|
After more than 30 minutes the blonde appears all tired and panting for breath. The Boss asks her why she was panting and what caused the huge delay. She replies, "Sir, when I went to the lift it said, 'During an emergency please use the staircase'!!!"
|An old lady, a difficult independent, use to sit on a bench in a park to feed the pigeons.|
One day, she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy.
Then suddenly a man in his early 40s, who was watching her from a distance, came near her and told her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.
The old lady said in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, I can't throw that far!"
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).
They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else.
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