|Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is it true?|
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers!
|Teacher: Translate this sentence into Hindi "Liza please have a seat".|
|I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.|
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!
|My 3 wishes:|
1. To earn money without working.
2. To love without being hurt!
3. To eat without getting fat!
|When I can't fall asleep, I like to grab a good book and hit myself over the head with it!|
|Friends are medicine for a wounded heart and vitamins for a hopeful soul!|
|You can't stop trouble from coming, but you don't have to give it a chair to sit on.|
|On my last birthday, my wife tried to surprise me with a car.|
Fortunately I had quick reflexes and she couldn't hit me!
|Stop taking Facebook so seriously.|
Most of your likes are coming from the people sitting on the toilet!
|Why does nobody talk to circles?|
Because there is no point!