• Kids probably don't realise it yet, but pretending to be asleep is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of their lives!
    Kids probably don't realise it yet, but pretending to be asleep is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of their lives!
  • Santa: I've named my dog `ten miles`.<br/>
Banta: Why?<br/>
Santa: Just so I can tell people I walk ten miles twice a day!
    Santa: I've named my dog "ten miles".
    Banta: Why?
    Santa: Just so I can tell people I walk ten miles twice a day!
  • The position of your hands is very important when playing golf.<br/>
I position mine to cover up my scorecard!
    The position of your hands is very important when playing golf.
    I position mine to cover up my scorecard!
  • Yawns are just silent screams for coffee!
    Yawns are just silent screams for coffee!
  • I thought that pulling the shell off my racing snail would help it move faster.<br/>
If anything it became more sluggish!
    I thought that pulling the shell off my racing snail would help it move faster.
    If anything it became more sluggish!
  • Girl, are you a modern day savings account because I keep investing money in you but I'm not getting much interest!
    Girl, are you a modern day savings account because I keep investing money in you but I'm not getting much interest!
  • Taxes are just a monthly subscription to live in a country!
    Taxes are just a monthly subscription to live in a country!
  • People donating money to Kylie Jenner prove that millions of years of human evolution was just waste a time!
    People donating money to Kylie Jenner prove that millions of years of human evolution was just waste a time!
  • Your great grandchildren will probably do a history project on your social media posts.<br/>
So post wisely!
    Your great grandchildren will probably do a history project on your social media posts.
    So post wisely!
  • The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter!
    The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter!