Clean Jokes

Reporter: Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?
USA: Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Reporter: Why did you attack Syria...

A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed...

An elderly man was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he`d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. He opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that...

There was a businessman, and he was not feeling well, so he went to see the doctor about it. The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat...

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand...

The fishing season hasn`t opened and a fisherman who doesn`t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks, "Any luck?"
"Any luck? This is a wonderful...

A lady goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel for her husband. She doesn`t know which one to get, so walks over to the register. A Walmart associate is standing there with sunglasses on. She says, "Excuse me sir...

A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails...

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day...

A woman pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood, and checks the engine oil. After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes a dipstick in her hand and, raising her chest high...