|Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.|
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!"
|An atheist was fishing on Loch Ness when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. With an easy flip, the beast tossed his boat high into the air and then opened its huge mouth to catch him.|
As he sailed into the sky, he cried, "Oh, God! Please help me!"
At once, the ferocious scene froze!
As the atheist hung there in mid-air a booming voice came out of the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on, God. Give me a break!" man. "A minute ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
|A woman stepped off a bus and realised she had left her purse on board. When she turned around, the bus was already long gone.|
She called the bus company and was relieved to find out the bus driver had found her bag. When she went to pick it up, a man handed her two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of her purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "You'll find everything in there."
As the woman began pilling the items back into her bag, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."
|A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"|
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."