• Born Again

    A man finds his dog with a dead rabbit in its mouth. He realizes that the rabbit is a pet of his next-door neighbor. In a panic he cleans the rabbit up and sneaks it into its cage, hoping his neighbor will think their pet died of natural causes.

    Next day he spots his neighbor digging a hole in the flower beds and goes over to investigate.

    "What are you doing?" asks the man.

    "Burying my rabbit again," replies the neighbor. `There sure are some sick people around here. The rabbit dropped dead on Monday, I buried it on Tuesday, and on Wednesday some bastard dug it up, gave it a wash, and stuck it back in its cage."
  • Explaining Poo

    A little boy asks his dad, "Where does poo come from?"

    His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up.

    "Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo."

    "Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"
  • Drink From The river

    During Sermon on a Sunday service, the Pastor said, "If I had all the Beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

    And the congregation cried, "Amen! "

    "And if I had all the Wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

    And the congregation cried: "Amen!"

    "And if I had all the Whiskey and Rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."

    Again the congregation cried, "Amen!..."

    The Pastor sat down.

    The Junior Pastor then stood up and said, "For our closing Hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our Hymn books and sing, "We shall drink from the river."

    The whole Congregation SCREAMED *HALLELUJAH!*
  • The Break Up

    The young salesman finally plucked up the courage to tell his fiancee that he was breaking off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.

    "Can she cook like I can?" asked the distraught fiancee

    "Not even on her best day!" replied the salesman.

    "Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?"

    "No, she's broke", the salesman said in agreement.

    "Well then, is this all about 'relations'?" cried out the devastated woman.

    "No, nobody does it like you babe," assured the salesman.

    "Then what is it?" she screamed "What can she do that I can't"?

    The salesman sighed, took a deep breath, looked his ex-fiancee straight in the eyes and said, "She can sue me for child support."

    And then it hit him... the four slice toaster he had bought for her the previous birthday.