• New Secretary

    Pedro gets a New Secretary.

    He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.

    Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?
    Pedro (feigning ignorance): Didn't quite notice.

    Dora: What color are her eyes?

    Pedro (quietly): Haven't had the time to check.

    Dora: What are the nail polish colors she uses, mettalic, gel or neon ?

    Pedro (rolling up his eye): Not a clue in the world.

    Dora: Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick.

    Pedro (looking quizzed): I barely spoke to her, so dont know.

    Dora: How does she dress?

    Pedro (innocently): VERY quickly...

    His Funeral is tomorrow.
  • Weapons of The Gods

    Wife: Darling, I have a question. When Hindu God's Shiva and Parvati stand together, Shiva always has a "Thrishulam".

    When Vishnu and Lakshmi stand together, Vishnu has a "Sudarshana Chakra".

    When Ram and Seetha stand together, Ram has an Arrow and Bow.

    But, when Krishna and Radha stand together, Krishna has no weapon, but only a flute. WHY?

    Husband: Simple answer!
    The first three Gods stood with their wives. Krishna stood with his lover. Whoever stands with his wife NEEDS a WEAPON!
  • Traffic Challan

    Two judges were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other.

    One took the stand and the other said, "How do you plead?"


    "That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court."

    The two judges shook hands and changed places.

    "How do you plead?" asked the judge.


    The judge reflected for a moment, and said, "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late. In fact, this is the second such incident in the last fifteen minutes. That will be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail."
  • Soldier Stands Guard

    A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.

    A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.

    The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

    The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

    "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."

    The general said, "Drive on!"

    The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

    The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"

    The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"