• Hiring Asses!

    Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.

    He called the royal weather forecaster and enquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

    So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.

    Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area."

    The king was polite and considerate, he replied, "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way."

    So he continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once!

    Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

    The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

    So the king hired the donkey.

    And so began the practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions..........
  • Word Play

    The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

    1. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

    2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

    3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

    4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

    5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

    6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

    7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

    8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.

    9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

    10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

    11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

    12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

    13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

    14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom a three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

    And the pick of the literature: 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
  • Majboori?!?

    Ek Sharaabi Sadak Ke Kinaare Bahut Jyaada Peene Ke Kaaran Lagbhag Besudh Saa Pada Huaa Thaa.

    Ek Bhale Aadmi Ne Uske Paas Aakar Poochha: Aakhir Itni Jyaada Peene Ki Kya Jaroorat Thee ?

    Sharabi: Majboori Thee. Peene Ke Alaawaa Aur Koi Chaaraa Hee Nahi Thaa.. !

    Bhala Aadmi: Aaakhir Aisi Kya Majboori Ho Gayi Thi???

    Sharaabi: Bottle Ka Dhakkan Gum Gayaa Thaa!!!!
  • Forgive Your Enemies

    The preacher's Sunday sermon was 'Forgive Your Enemies.'

    He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands.

    He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady.

    "Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

    "I don't have any."

    "Mrs. Johnson that is very unusual. How old are you?"

    "Ninety-three," she replied.

    "Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"

    The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and said, "I outlived every one of those bitches!"