• Only Real Fashion

    A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

    After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

    Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

    The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
  • How To Be Unhappy

    Make little things bother you. Don't just let them, MAKE them.

    Lose your perspective on things and keep it lost: don't put first things first.

    Get yourself a good worry, one about which you cannot do anything.

    Be a perfectionist, which means not that you work hard to do your best, but that you condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

    Be right. Be always right. Be the only one who is always right, and be rigid in your rightness.

    Don't trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest.

    Be suspicious. Insist that others always have hidden motives.

    Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant misery.

    Take personally everything that happens to you.

    Don't give yourself whole-heartily to anyone or anything.
  • Kolhu Ka Bail...

    Ek Eingineer Ko Yeh Dekh Kar Badi Hairat Hui Ki Andar Ke Kamre Mein Ek Bail Kolhu Kheench Raha Hai Aur Teli Bahar Baitha Chilam Pee Raha Hai.

    Engineer Ne Teli Se Poocha: Agar Bail Ruk Jaaye Toh Tumhe Pata Tak Nahin Chalega.

    Teli: Pata Chal Jayega Engineer Sahab, Uske Gale Mein Bandhi Hui Ghanti Ki Awaaz Aana Bhi Ruk Jayegi.

    Engineer Ne Ek Minute Socha Aur Phir Bola: Achcha, Agar Yeh Ek Jagah Khada Hokar Bas Apna Sir Hilaata Rahe Toh Ghanti Bajti Rahegi Aur Tumh Samjhoge Ki Bail Chal Raha Hai.

    Teli Ne Badi Shaanti Se Jawaab Diya: Engineer Sahab, Hamare Bail Ne B-Tech Nahin Kiya Hai...
  • Hilarious Santa

    Pappu Ko Fire Brigade Main Naukari Mil Gayi.
    Ek Lady Ne Call Kiya: Hello Mere Ghar Par Aag Lagi Hai
    Pappu: Apne Pani Daala....??
    Lady: Haa, Par Aag Bujhi Nahi.
    Pappu: Pagal, Fir Hum Aa Kar Kya Karenge. Hum Bhi To Pani Hi Dalenge Na.

    Self Confidence at its Peak...
    Santa writes to SBI : My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank.

    Santa Ne Blood Test Karwaya. Result Aaya A+
    Result Dekhkar Santa Ko Bada Achraj Hua Aur Vo Sochne Laga Ki Saali Kamyaabi Tog Rag-Rag Mein Daud Rahi Hai... Phir Saala School Mein Hamesha C Kyun Milta Tha...

    Santa Apni Shaadi Ki Saalgirah Pe Jeeto Ko Gulaab Dete Hue Bola: O Darling... Happy Annirversary!
    Jeeto: Yeh Nahin, Mujhe Sone Ki Cheeez Chahiye.
    Santa: Oh, Achcha, toh Ye Lo Pillow Aur Araam Se So Jao.
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