• Best Kiss Ever

    Earlier this year, a group of bikers were riding out when they saw a girl about to jump off the Humber Bridge. So they stopped.

    George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the Policeman who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby..... whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

    She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

    While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked... "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

    So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

    After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the Policeman, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

    "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

    .
    .
    .
    .
    It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
  • Strip Down!!!

    So I went to stay in the US and started getting used to the American way of life...

    After a few months of staying there, I thought I should have a personal handgun as well.

    Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon. So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a 9mm handgun for home/personal protection. 

    When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." 

    I made her repeat what she had just said, because I thought I hadn't heard it right the first time. She duly repeated the line.

    Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

    When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.

    As a senior citizen, I do not get flustered often, but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on.

    I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear.

    . And I just need to wear underwear more often.
  • Fire Saftey Seminar!

    When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher.

    "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam."

    Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.

    The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"

    In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin.... and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.
  • Let It Walk!

    Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.

    One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better.

    He said, "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk."

    The congregation said, "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."

    Encouraged by their response, he went further.

    "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!"

    The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"

    Now really into his message, he spoke stronger.

    "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!"

    "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.

    The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"

    The congregation replied, "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."