• Bring on Your Rats

    The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests.

    A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer.

    "Get to work," the store-keeper urged.

    "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared.

    When this had been provided, "Now give me a quart of whiskey."

    Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly, "Now show me the cellar."

    An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted, "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
  • Family Planning

    A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

    "That's a serious step," he said, "Have you thought it out completely?"

    "Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night."

    "How about transportation?" the father asked.

    "I have my wagon and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.

    The boy had answer to every question the father raise.

    Finally, in exasperation, the father asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

    "We've thought about that too", the little boy replied. "We're not going to have any babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it."
  • Ski Trip

    Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing.

    Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him. Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

    Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.

    Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."

    Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"
  • A Trip to Israel

    A Jewish businessman in America decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.

    The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity."

    "Oy vey," said the father. "What have I done?"

    He decided to go ask his friend Jacob what to do.

    Jacob said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi and ask him what we should do."

    So they went to see the Rabbi. The Rabbi said, "Funny you should ask.I too sent my son to Israel. He also came back a Christian. What is happening to our young people? Perhaps we should go talk to God and ask him what to do."

    The three of them prayed and explained what had happened to their sons and asked God what to do. Suddenly a voice came loud and clear from Heaven.

    The Voice said, "funny you should ask, I too sent my son to Isreal..."