• Counting In The Courtyard

    A group of people were touring a university campus and they noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

    "What are they doing?" a woman asked the tour guide.

    "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

    When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, the woman asked the guide: "So what's the answer?"

    The guide replied, "One."
  • Marrying A Lawyer

    A girl showed interest in only marrying a lawyer.

    I asked the girl, "Why do you prefer a lawyer to marry?"

    She said, "They bow their head while entering the room and again while going out. They say 'your honor' or 'my lord' before and after every word."

    "They don't have any male ego; because, they wear a gown!"

    "They go to a BAR where liquor is not served."

    "More importantly, they never question the judgment at least before the person who gives it, whether they like it or not."

    "What more does a wife require???"
  • Too Tired!!!

    A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.

    The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldn't find his way home.

    "Oy Morris," said grandma," You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ?"

    Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
  • Toddlers and Drunks

    Anyone who has raised, or even just been around, a toddler knows these things are true.

    Toddlers and drunks are EERILY similar!

    No personal boundaries.

    Falls over A LOT. Gets up, yells "I OK!" and keeps going.

    Poor decision making skills.

    Spontaneous vomiting.

    Speaks gibberish.

    Cries for no apparent reason.

    Philosophical conversations with inanimate objects.
    Short attention span.

    Argumentative.

    Poor short term memory.
    Zero inhibitions.

    Loses everything.

    Will pass out anywhere.

    One track mind.

    Demanding.

    Getting them undressed (or redressed) is like wrestling an alligator.

    Runs into things that haven't moved..... ever.

    One volume setting - LOUD!
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