• Slower, Older and Smarter

    A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.

    The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!"

    And promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.

    The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?

    The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"

    The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said, "What did you think of that?"

    Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?"

    The C-130 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, used the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll."

    When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing!
    When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing!

    It's called S O S - Slower, Older and Smarter...
  • No Prompt Action

    An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realised that he left all the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police.

    The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls and were busy with very important works.

    The old man waited for a few minutes and called dispatch again. He told dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!"

    In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!

    One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them."

    "The old man replied,"I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
  • Key to a Happy Marriage

    For those of us "of a certain age" and for you youngsters, well, these days will come soon enough!

    Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

    Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.

    As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty.

    I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband's mobile.

    "Hello My Love," I stammered; I always call him "My Love" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

    There was a long period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice.

    He barked, "I dropped you off!"

    Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, please come and get me."

    He retorted, "I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

    This is what they call, "a senior moment."
  • Testing Sons-in-law

    An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her three sons-in-law. One a fine day, she was walking along a lake shore with the first son-in-law.

    Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help. The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.

    The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wording, "Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

    Another day she went out with her second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell in the lake and started yelling for help. The second son-in-law, too, jumped into the water and dragged her out, onto the shore.

    The next day he found a brand new E-Class Mercedes at his doorstep with the wording, "Thank you! Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!"

    The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy got scared and ran away without offering any help to her. The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

    The next day the third son-in-law was surprised to see a new brand new Rolls-Royce waiting at his doorsteps with the following wording, "Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law!"