• Weapons of Mass Destruction

    Reporter: Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?

    USA: Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction.

    Reporter: Why did you attack Syria now?

    USA: Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction.

    Reporter: Why didn't you attack North Korea then?

    USA: Are you stupid or what? Because they really have Weapons of Mass Destruction.
  • The wrong side of the bed

    A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast.

    On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

    This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on.

    He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says, "Good morning Brother."

    The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

    The priest looks confused at all this but goes on.

    He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good morning Father."

    The priest replies in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

    Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone.

    The Bishop sees him and says, "Father ..."

    The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop.

    He looks at the bishop and says, "No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

    The bishop looks at him stunned and says "What?"

    The priest realized his mistake and said "I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want."

    The bishop looks at him and says, "All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann's shoes?"
  • How To Call The Police

    An elderly man was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. He opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

    He phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?"

    He said, "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me!"

    Then the police dispatcher said, "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

    George said, "Okay."

    He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again, "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.

    Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the policemen said to the man, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    He replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available?"
  • The Brave Patient

    A Sindhi went to a dentist for tooth extraction but first enquired about the cost. Dentist said Rs 1200, the Sindhi thought that was too much.

    After some thought, he asked about cheaper methods. The dentist said, "Yes, it can be done without anesthesia and will cost only Rs 300, but it would be very very painful."

    Sindhi said, "OK Doc, let's do it without anesthesia."

    The dentist removed the tooth without anesthesia. During the entire procedure, the Sindhi sat quietly, even smiling a little.

    The dentist was not only surprised but was quite impressed and said, "I have never seen such a brave patient. I don't even want my fees, here take Rs 500 as a reward instead, you've taught me such a powerful lesson today about mastering one's pain!!!"
    In the evening he met his fellow dentists and told everyone about this amazing Sindhi patient. One doctor jumped up and shouted, "That ×%#@ Sindhi first came to me, I gave him anesthesia and asked him to wait outside for half an hour! After half an hour when I called for him, he had left!!