• My Wife Knows Everything

    A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tyre alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt.

    Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones.

    "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tyres... maybe I can help here."

    "You sure can," the man with the flat tyre replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tyre ought to be changed, I will concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done."
  • Why He Cheated

    A woman gets cheated by her husband. Devastated, she doesn't know how to continue to live her life. She heard that there's a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decided to go there to consult him.

    After few days of traveling, walking, climbing, she reaches the top and meets the wise monk. "I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him. And now he left me with a young woman. My life is stolen, and I'm left with nothing. I don't know what to do."

    The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it.

    After she finishes eating, he ask, "Is the cookie delicious?"

    "Yes," she answer.

    "Do you want another one?"

    "Sure, please."

    The monk looks her in the eyes and said, "Do you see the problem now?"

    The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speak, "I guess human nature is greedy. You got one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It's never enough. And nothing lasts forever, anything is impermanence. We should be aware and not disappointed for that."

    The monk shakes his head, "No, I mean you are too fat, you should eat less."
  • Memorial Stone

    Sam died. His will provided $50,000 for an elaborate funeral.

    As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said, "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased."

    "I'm sure you're right," replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Tell me, how much did it really cost?"

    "All of it," said Rose. "Fifty thousand."

    "No!" Sadie exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but really... $50,000?"

    Rose nodded. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the Shul for the Rabbi's services. The food and drinks were another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone."

    Sadie computed quickly. "$42,500 for a memorial stone? Oy vey, how big is it?"

    "Seven and a half carats."
  • Attack or Retreat?

    Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem.

    They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?

    The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer, "Yes."

    The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer, "Yes what?"

    Instantly the computer responded, "Yes Sir."