• What's Tournament?

    Jaisa Ki Aap Jante Hain Ki Apna Banta English Sikh Raha Tha Aur Santa Ki Help Leta Rahta Tha.

    Ek Din Usne Santa Se Puchha: Santa Tournament Ka Kya Matlab Hota Hai?

    Santa: Tournament... Yeh Jo Ladkiyaan Kaan Mein Jhumke Pahanti Hai, Use Tournament Kahte Hai.

    Sath Mein Khadey Unke Friend Ghanta Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Se Bole: Abey Santa... Bewakoof... Duffer Kahin Ke... Usko Ornaments Kahte Hai.

    Santa: O Yaar Ghanta, Ek Kaan Me Pehno Toh Ornament Aur Agar Dono Kaan Mein Pehno Toh Two Ornament Matlab Tournament...

    Banta Aur Ghanta Taliyaan Baja Ke Bole: Waah Yaar Santa... Tu Vaakiye Mein English Ka Master Hai.
  • What Women Want in a Man

    What women want in a man at age 22:
    1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover

    What women want in a man at age 32:
    1. Nice looking (preferably with hair)
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
    4. Listens more than talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes
    6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
    9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
    10. Seeks romance at least once a week

    What women want in a man at age 42:
    1. Not too ugly (bald head is fine)
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
    4. Nods head when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
    6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
    7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
    8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
    9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
    10. Shaves most weekends

    What women want in a man at age 52:
    1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
    2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
    3. Doesn't borrow money too often
    4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
    5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
    6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
    7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
    8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
    9. Remembers your name on occasion
    10. Shaves some weekends

    What women want in a man at age 62:
    1. Doesn't scare small children
    2. Remembers where bathroom is
    3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
    4. Only snores lightly when asleep
    5. Remembers why he's laughing
    6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
    7. Usually wears some clothes
    8. Likes soft foods
    9. Remembers where he left his teeth
    10. Remembers that it's the weekend

    What women want in a man at age 72:
    1. Breathing
    2. Doesn't miss the toilet
  • Shooting Dogs

    A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things... chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

    Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go out shooting?"

    This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.

    After a few hours, the nephew returned.

    "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.

    "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs"
  • iBitch Activated!

    March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

    I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

    My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch.

    September came by, so for my wife's birthday I bought her an iRon.

    It was around then that the fight started. What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This unfortunately activated the iBitch.

    Which led me to the iHospital and iGet out Thursday.
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