I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words!
Today somebody told me that I take criticism very badly so I punched him in the face!
Toxic people are toxic not simply because of their behavior but because of their unwillingness to acknowledge it and improve!
A friend of mine used to install kitchen work surfaces, but they arrested him for counter fitting!
My neighbor says he is too afraid to plant an apple tree.
I told him, "Grow a pear"!
Interviewer: why should we hire you as a waiter?
Candidate: For starters, I bring a lot to the table!
Did you know that your pupils are the last parts to stop working after you die?
They dilate!
Being able to disagree with someone you like and agree with someone you don't like are completely undervalued life skills!
Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on what we are waiting for!
Tomorrow is a special day. I have finally decided to let my girlfriend know that she's my girlfriend!
