After sex last night my girlfriend said, "You're easily the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "Ditto" wasn't the correct response!
I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed.
I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.
My wife gave me a handjob the other day using vaseline I came three times trying to wash that shit off
I bought my new wife a full set of cookery subscriptions for her birthday to help her learn to cook properly.
A month later she bought me a porn movie for my birthday.
All the women I ever hooked up with told me I belonged in the Guinness book of world records...
For causing the most amount of disappointment in the least amount of time.
Women buy expensive underwear like Victoria's Secret and then sit with their legs crossed.
What a waste of money!
Boy: Grandpa! What are you doing on the porch with no pants on?
Grandpa: Well, last week I sat out there with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea!
The latest bra from Victoria's Secret is called English Soccer.
So much publicity... so much hope... but it has no cup!
An Italian man enters a Pub in London.
The owner states: We don't talk about football here.
After few seconds the Italian man says: It is possible to speak about sex, yes?
The owner: Yes, sex absolutely.
The Italian: Italy fucked England badly!
Paradoxical:
You want your husband to be good in bed but you don't want to give him time to go for training outside!
